There’s something that I have recently come to grips with. It is this… I place people on pedestals. Meaning, I exalt people to a place they should never be and because they are unable or unfit to be placed in such a high position, they easily let me down. I had always known this but have recently realized that something had to be done about it. I realized that this was becoming problematic because it was affecting every area of my life from friendships to my view of public figures.
Sometimes it is not always them but it is you. I found this to be the case with me. If I am confident of anything, it is my God-given ability to trust my gut and realize when a friendship is no more. I typically know when a chapter is ending and it’s time to move on. But, in a recent scenario in my life, this has not been the case. I had a friend, someone that has been in my life for a LONG amount of time. We’ve been through hell and back. But lately, I realized the friendship started to take a weird turn but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Slowly the friendship started to fizzle out and eventually ended. Typically when this happens, I am UN-bothered because I trust my God-given gut and I have immense peace. I might mourn the friendship but I still have peace about closing the chapter. However with this particular friendship, it wasn’t the case. I constantly questioned what it was that caused the friendship to end. I didn’t have the peace I usually do. Upon much prayer and meditation, I realized that a MAJOR reason for the friendship ending was not the other person, it was ME! It was NOT an organic fizzling out or an all out disagreement, IT WAS ME. I was shocked. The friendship was no longer working because I had placed this friend on a pedestal. For all the years I had known this person, I always placed them on a pedestal. And because they were so high, they were always in a position to let me down because of the impossible standards I had set. I soberly realized that for all the years we had known each other, I maintained an unhealthy view of this person. This unhealthy view caused them to always let me down with their actions because I expected more. I expected things they could NOT possibly give to me.
Believe it or not, setting people on pedestals did not just affect this particular friendship, it affected my admiration of a public figure, Tori Kelly.
Wait, I know that sounds crazy. Let me explain.
Listen, I love me some Tori Kelly, You hear? Her voice is just GOALS to me. Soooooo, when I realized she was coming to my neck of the woods to perform, I QUICKLY bought VIP tickets. I HAD to meet this young lady that had the voice of angel. I psyched myself up, got dolled up and went. There were a lot of annoyances that day but I was determined to meet Ms. Kelly and I just knew meeting her would change my life in SOME capacity. I stood in line, met new people, got rained on and ALL that believing it would all be worth it to meet this wonderful lady.
Well, I eventually got to meet her. She was kind and sweet. We took a picture and said our hello’s and goodbyes. As I walked away, I was waiting to experience that life changing, awe-inspiring feeling.
Nothing, I felt nothing.
For the remainder of the concert I was upset. I felt gypped. I actually thought it was Ms. Kelly’s fault that I didn’t experience what I built up in my mind. As a result, I did not enjoy the concert. Everyone around me had an amazing time at this concert. Not I. I was too deep in my feelings. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that I placed her on an unrealistic pedestal. She was just another girl with incredible talent living out her purpose. She could not give me anything but her gift, her talent. She was/is not God.
Here-in lies the issue. We place our public figures on IMPOSSIBLE pedestals and get upset when they act human. Take the recent Justin Bieber throwing the mic on stage and walking out incident. Now, do I agree with that specific course of action?! Absolutely not. But, we too often forget that this young man has lived MOST of his life with being placed on an IMPOSSIBLE pedestal. Everywhere he goes, little girls scream wanting a little piece of him. With attention like this, it is impossible to expect him to do the most humble thing. It’s difficult for us that lead normal lives to do the most humble thing, how much more someone that is idolized day and night.
It’s time we take people off the pedestal we’ve placed them on. From loved ones to public figures. We all put our pants on one leg at a time. Now I am not saying it is a bad idea to look up to anyone. Not at all. We all need someone to look up to. Someone that inspires us to change our lives for the better. However, what I am warning against is placing impossible standards on a person. If a person has become your source of joy, peace, sanity, wisdom and EVERYTHING. That’s a red-flag. A person you look up to should cause inspiration and not obsession. Having a relationship with someone that you depend on and call on for everything not only cripples the greatness within you but is the fastest way to destroy any relationship.
Thanks for reading!
Until next time,
Emem Joy Emah